Moms Need Love Too....

       
          So you find out that you are going to have a baby. You start telling your friends, your family, and well everyone! As your belly grows, you find that you are the center of attention. Everyone wants to touch the belly, ask you a millions questions, and always seems interested in how you're feeling. Some women hate that stuff but I've never minded it, but I'm pretty social in general.

          So you go through the joys of bringing life into the world and you feel like you're on cloud nine when your little one finally arrives. What I began to notice in the aftermath and what no one tells you, is that after you start having kids, you can feel nearly invisible to your once interested friends and family. Suddenly, no one asks about how you're doing or even says hi to you most of the time. Everyone gravitates towards Jr., because well, let's face it, babies are freaking adorable!
Really who can compete with that tiny face, chunky legs, and wide-eyed cuteness? I'm just as stupefied by my babies' beauty as the rest of the world. So what do you when you start to feel a little left out and maybe even a little jealous?

          Well, first you need to understand that that's a normal way to feel. When I first felt that way I felt such an overwhelming sense of guilt and even shame. I mean this is my baby and good moms don't feel jealous of their own kids, right? The truth is that you're not really jealous of the baby. It's just that like every person, you need a little attention too. Admitting that doesn't make you a bad mom. As a matter of fact, fulfilling that need will only make you a better mom.

As an almost mom-of-three, here are a few things I do:

1. Be Understanding. Like a new toy at Christmas, a new baby is shiny, fun, and everyone will fight over who gets to play with it first. Take a lesson from Toy Story and try to remember that you're still important too in the hearts of your friends and family. They just may forget to express that while they get to know your new little one.

2. Take a Time Out. Do something for you. I know that is easier said than done when you have a newborn, especially if you are breastfeeding, but make it a priority. Maybe it's as simple as getting a new haircut or even just a trip to target by yourself. Whatever makes you feel good! It's hard to pry yourself away from baby, but taking care of yourself is an important factor in taking care of baby. And it will help you feel important too.

3. Communicate. You don't have to suffer in silence. If you are needing some attention there's nothing wrong with telling you spouse about it. Chances are your spouse is also feeling like he needs some time and attention too. So much of the attention you once spent on each other is now going to taking care of baby and then you pile on sleep deprivation and neither of you are probably feeling like you get enough of the other's attention. So, start the conversation. When baby is sleeping or you have a few minutes, don't worry about the dishes or the laundry; focus on each other. Sit down and snuggle and give each other some affection. The tasks that need to be done are no where near as important as mom and dad's need for a strong relationship.

4. Don't be a Martyr. It's really easy to confuse the role of mom and martyr. Especially in today's very demanding, super mom culture. We all feel that pressure to put ourselves aside so we can "do it all". You know, have a perfect house, happy kids, make killer dinners, work, and squeeze in at least 3 Pinterest crafts a week. The truth is that when you try to do too much you end up cheating yourself and your kids. You end up overworked and burnt out and your kids miss out on you being at your best and can even learn some really unhealthy habits that might make them more prone to overdoing things later in life. If you need help, ask and if you need to scale back you schedule, DO IT! You kids won't grow up remembering every little activity, soccer game, or the fact that mom could make her own detergent, but they will remember the time that you spent just loving on them and being a fully, mentally present wife and mom.

Being a mom is both crazy good and crazy challenging especially when you're adjusting to suddenly having one little person being the center of the universe. Just remember to enjoy the short time you have with them and remember that they're irresistibly awesome because you're they get it from you ;) Please feel free to comment with your own sanity savers :)

Posted in: Life, Parenting