Unforgiven

Forgiveness is a word that gets thrown around a lot. Even as children we are taught that when someone says I'm sorry we need to forgive them. Of course if you're like me and my sister you say all that and then as soon as mom and dad leave the room you dive right back in to fighting. It seems like a simple concept but learning to forgive is such a struggle for so many of us. So often we say the words but more often we don't mean them in our hearts, especially when we are dealing with those truly difficult people in our lives. As Christians I feel like we are called to an even higher level of forgiveness which makes it even harder to fight back our human nature and the enemy that would have us hold tight to the memories of those who did us wrong. Maybe right now you're saying to yourself "hey that's not me" Really? It isn't? Think about that friend that betrayed you, that spouse that left you, or that parent who mistreated you....... now how do you feel? Sad? Angry? Would you go out of your way to help that person? Probably not. Chances are, like most of us, you avoid that person like the plague. If that's true than you probably haven't forgiven them the way that Jesus has forgiven you and whether you realize it or not that resentment creates a shackle around you that weighs you down.

I'll openly admit that I struggle with this. I have been blessed with an incredible memory when it comes to conversations and interpersonal interactions but the downside is that I remember every negative or hurtful thing someone says to me. There was a time in my life when I carried all of those things around with me every single day and it weighed on my heart like lead. Then after getting to know Jesus things were a little better but I still found myself to be pretty angry and beat down most of the time and this makes a person very sensitive. easily offended. and makes it hard to trust people.

Do find yourself blaming those people from your past? I did. Do you resent the parent that didn't love you? Do you feel hurt every time you think about the friend who betrayed your trust? You've probably said to your self "I forgive them but I can't just forget" or "I forgive them but I don't want anything to do with them"  Well, then I would argue that you don't forgive them.

Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.

- Colossians 3:13 &14

 
I use to believe that the hurt and the pain in my life came from what I had been through and yeah, I'd been through some crappy stuff in my life, but God helped me realize that the hurt and the pain was coming from me and my inability to truly forgive at the level that God wanted me to forgive. People hurt me and much of it was out of my control but the reason I was still hurting years later was my own fault. The power to live freely and lightly was readily available. I think I just felt like someone had to be accountable for my hurt. I felt like letting them off scott free was just too easy and also, I didn't want to feel exposed to further pain. I think that at a point resentment feels easier. It's easier to blame someone than to things go without any sense of justice or closure.
  

Forgive: to cease to blame or hold resentment against (someone or something)

I understood that God forgave me and that felt amazing but what I didn't understand for many years is that God not only forgave me but in his eyes I'm blameless. When Jesus stood in my place God lost sight of all the ugly things I was and all the ugly things I will ever do, think, or be. When he looks at me he sees who I really am- a precious being who at my core just wants to be loved and who needs him. As if that's not beautiful enough, in that moment, hanging on a cross, Jesus, who could have hung there cursing my name, resenting me for all the spiritual, emotional, and physical torture he had to endure, never showed any sign of resentment. If anyone in the world has ever had the right to resent someone it's Jesus on that day, but he didn't. Being free from all blame and all resentment is the highest form of forgiveness.

So think about those people again- can you say that you don't blame them for anything, even the things that are direct results of their impact on your life? Can you say that you are free of any resentment? Furthermore can you say that you not only love them but would die to love them? That is the forgiveness we are called to not only receive but freely give away. Jesus came to set us free. Forgiveness is part of that freedom and to really experience the freedom God has for us we must forgive as much as we are forgiven.

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. 

- Ephesians 4:32 

Posted in: Life