Friday, December 14, 2012

How to Help and NOT help a New Mom

When a new baby comes in to the world there is always a flood of well-meaning friends and relatives who do their best to "help" the new mommy as she adjusts to the new little resident. In my experience as a mom there are some things that help more than others.

So, if you are a grandparent, aunt, friend, neighbor, or anyone who might be prone to swooping in to help a new mom, I've put together a list of some great ways to really help a new parent and a few things you may want to avoid.

Things to do

1. FOOD! Food is one of those things that can be so challenging to get handled with a new baby. I know with both my girls I was just grabbing sandwiches or some snack from the cupboard and my husband had to fend for himself. Feeding a new mom and her family some good food is a huge way to help take stress off of mommy and daddy and help them keep up their strength- which they will be needing for the all-nighters they have to pull.

2. Help with some chores. New moms need to spend time with the baby. So rather than offering to take care of the baby so mom can do chores, just pitch in and help. Ask if you can throw some laundry in or do some dishes so mom can stay with baby. It only takes a half hour to do a few little chores but that little help goes a long way!

3. Run An Errand. As much as we try to be prepared for the new baby, inevitably there is always a necessity or two that we forget or don't buy enough of. Call ahead of your visit and see if there something you can swing by the store and pick up to save mommy and daddy a trip.

4. Help me with my pets. If the new mom has a dog or a cat that is another area where help is probably needed. Maybe you can take the dog out for a walk or clean out kitty's litter. These kinds of tasks really get low priority the first week or two there's a new baby in the house.

5. Kidnap my older kids. I love all my kids but meeting the needs to the older kids while meeting the needs of a newborn can be very challenging. Especially, when the older kids are couped up in the house and dealing with their own adjustments from having a new sibling. So, please take my kids to the park or to chick fil a or something. It will make them feel special and help mommy and baby get a little rest.

6. Send me to bed. Offer to watch the baby so I can sleep for an hour or two between feedings, but don't be offended if I say no. Sometimes new moms just want to be close to their babies more than they want sleep but they always appreciate the kind offer.

Here's a few things NOT to do

1. Don't stick around. There's always a tendency to want to linger and who can blame you? Babies are adorable and easy to stare at for hours. But it can stress a new mom out to have too much company for too long because of our natural desire to entertain guests and when you are already exhausted from caring for a newborn even short conversations can seem daunting. So come in, help out a little, chat for a few and be on your way.

2. Don't give me advice unless I ask. Everyone overloads new moms with advice and yes, some of it is good, but the adjustment period is not the time to give it. If you're asked then go for it. Otherwise, let mom figure it out on her own.

3. Don't tell me I look tired. Every new mom feels like they look like crap for at least a few days. You pointing out to me that I look tired doesn't help when my hormone are crashing.

4. Don't assume. Just because I've had kids doesn't mean I have this all under control or I don't need help, as a matter a fact I probably need more!

5. Don't take the baby. Don't ask to hold a new baby right away. If mom wants you to she will offer. Personally, I've always loved passing baby off as long as it's someone I know and am comfortable with, but some moms need to keep baby to themselves for a while as part of bonding. That needs to be OK. Don't get offended; just understand that every mom is different and she may not be ready to share yet.

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