Being an Awesome Grandparent

The relationship kids have with their grandparents is one of the most important ones in their young lives, second only to the relationship they have with their parents. As a grandparent you'll have the opportunity to play a crucial role in your grandchild's development and growth both emotionally and spiritually. But like any new stage in life, there's a learning curve. It's like a whole new form of parenting as you learn to not only grandparent you grand kids but also learning to parent your adult children as they have kids. And just like when your kids were growing up, you're bound to screw it up from time to time.

Obviously, I'm not a grandparent yet, but I did have grandparents and my children now have grandparents. So, I wanted to share some of the things that I remember about my grandparents and things that I appreciate for my own children now that I am a parent.


1. Be an affirming parent FIRST. A parent's affirmation is one of the most powerful forces in a child's life and even as we grow up we still need that affirmation. As your kids have kids they will need your reassurance far more than they will need your advice. Even now at 30 years old, my mother telling me that she thinks I'm a great mom is one of the best things I can hear. I can get 1000 compliments from my friends but all of those aren't worth 2 encouraging words from my own parents. Tell your kids and your kids-in-law they're doing a great job as parents even if they are doing some things differently than you did. It's nearly impossible to have a positive relationship with your grand kids if you don't have a good one with the parents.

2. Play! I came into my parents' lives when they were older (47), so many of my grandparents passed away before I could remember them. However, my paternal grandpa lived into my teens and he was an amazing grandpa. I used to love going to his house even when I became a young teenager, because he was fun. He really took the time to pay attention to me and play with me. So often we stick children in a room with toys or tv and just carry on with our business, but by doing that we cheat ourselves sometimes. My grandpa always seemed like he understood that our time together was fleeting. That I would only be a child for a little bit and someday he wouldn't be around anymore. I think grandparents understand this on a better level than parents because they've experienced their children growing up in what seemed like the blink of a eye. So he took the time to not just babysit me but really make memories with me. Even on days when he probably didn't feel like it he would still play barbies, sit down and answer my thousands of questions, or teach me to play a new card game. I don't remember anything he ever got me for Christmas or a birthday, but I do remember the time we spent laughing, playing, and talking. Childhood is brief and the time you spend as a part of some one's childhood is something that will last a lifetime.

3. Remember that you are NOT there to parent your grand kids. From my view, one of the best things about becoming a grandparent is the fact that you don't have to feel all the pressure of parenting. You don't have to worry about all that responsibility, so embrace it. Too often we try to push our own thoughts, beliefs or ways of doing things on our grandchildren and adult children. Doing that only creates stress and tension. You spent your whole life parenting your kids so they would become good adults and good parents, so trust that you did a good job and let them be the parents. Respect the boundaries and rules they create and support them by not injecting your own thoughts unbidden. One of my biggest pet peeves as a mother is when I tell my kids they can or can't do something and then a family member tells my kids the opposite because their just "sharing their beliefs/opinions". It only creates tension because it makes the parent feel like you're trying to parent or like you don't think they are doing a good job on their own. So just respect your adult children's ways of raising your grand kids even when it's difficult. They may mess up here and there but you probably weren't a perfect parent either. Just focus on being a grandparent because anything else just puts your grand kids in the middle and creates a potentially volatile situation with your adult kids.

4. Be Yourself. Being a grandparent now is not what it used to be. No longer do we envision grandmas in their grey buns with glasses making pies in the kitchen with grandpa smokes his pipe as he reads the paper. With 50 being the new 30, people in that grandparent age bracket just don't operate the way they used to. And that's great! Don't feel pressure to be like your grandparents were. Just be yourself and don't be afraid to make your own traditions.

Feel free to leave your own thoughts/tips below :)

Posted in: Life, Parenting